right NOW

well today i had a bbq in the park..
i was nervous all week long, sure that we'd be shit out of luck due to a huge deluge of rain
but no, today was a sun filled warm beautiful day with little clouds
and my friend "crotchety" had 'stolen' a big oil drum recently and had it cleaned out and then took it to a chop shop and had it turned into a wonderful huge gigantic bbq grill. there were ribs and mushrooms and chickens and sausages and faux sausages and garden burgers
and potato salad and corn and bok choi and wine and soda and beer and about 60 people laying on blankets in the sun or playing frisbee or playing croquet (croquet goes on for forever and i think my memory has me setting up the game MUCH LARGER than it's really supposed to be played and that's why it takes forever) and then bike polo..
and it was a blast and wonderful and went from 1 until 8 and clean up was remarkably easy because everyone was great and took their own trash generally.
there were a few little things that made me sad but they had nothing to do with anything except me and my hostessing issues. i always feel like i get that "can't sit still for longer than 5 minutes" short-attention-spanny disease and i never have long enough to talk to anybody but .. it's my own fault. it's this feeling that i must walk around, so by the end i've only had a few longer talks...and mostly shorter. i miss out on a lot of meat that way. and by meat i mean metaphorical, because baby...i ate a lot of meat.
so i end up feeling a little sad that i didn't have enough time with new people or friends that i don't see enough of or people i see a lot of even.
but that sadness is small compared the enjoyment i get just seeing everybody have fun, and being outside, and playing croquet and soaking up sun.
yesterday was a long day too... full of familial stuff with monk's family. a sad day and a good day at the same time.
tomorrow is a free concert in the park..so hot tub and bed for me..right *now*.

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