sadness is a better read?

mmm .sunny lovely weekend. morning of coffee (post pub crawl friday. but no hangover) on a blanket in the back yard. watching zilla attempt his first foray into the backyard. wide eyed and slinking on his belly in trepidation.
a trip to ikea to buy me a desk chair (it's very jetsons!) and two new desks... as the big giant table thing just isn't doing it for two people and the many computers and paperwork and scanner and printer, etc.
it was a freeing moment, upon giving my credit card for all the desk equipment and cooking stuff we got.. to pay for it all myself. and that brief old moment of panic...i'm gonna break myself with this! and then realizing. oh, no i'm not.. my life aint' that anymore. i can afford furniture.
i once told C that i wnated to get to the point that if we decided we needed or wanted a new couch. it was just something we could DO. not something that we talked about and could never afford. i considered that 'arriving'.. as far as the ongoing panic in life went.
pasta pomodoro dinner. me feeling more and more under the weather.. bones weary, muscles achey, head foggy. hot tub under the stars. discussion of how to deal with money someday when finally combined, feeling very proud of our realistic and functional answers. future houses, yards... and the things that scare monk.. the boogie man of all future plans. uh huh.
i was in bed by 10 (and i'd slept late friday night) .. positive i was getting sick. tossy turny. woke to another sunny day. coffee on the back deck.. a huge huge whole paycheck shopping trip for trout and tuna and herbs and veggies and fresh fresh wonderful things (oh the cheeeeeses the cheeses).
tonight is dinner of fried polenta, salad and tuscan grilled trout. (i love the word trout.)
we cleaned the kitchen and living area and there is nothing that makes me happier than a sun dappled clean kitchen or living room. i put out the sea glass in a fish bowl.
and soon it is financial planning.
this is what happens when you're gone 8 weekends out of 10.. the house needs cleaning, things need attending, cooking has to be done to make up for all the eating out.
i reread a bunch of my diary from 2k3, and oh how much better a read my sadness was. what's up with that..

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