shake your booty

to continue the puritan thread.

when i was little i wasn't really allowed TV. i wasn't allowed much in the way of sugar or overly processed food items. we ate meat but in small quantities.

i remember i was at a friends house once. and i was watching hours upon hours of HBO because it was this fascinating phenomenon. and I was eating twinkies.

and suddenly i went into sugar overload. i was around 12, i think.

all i remember is that i was suddenly prone on the ground ...laughing hysterically. unable to stop. the whole god damn world was the fuckin funniest thing i'd ever seen or heard.

my friend tried to talk to me, i just laughed harder. after some minutes piled up , she just started kicking me in the side. i laughed harder, she kicked harder.

all in all, it was very traumatic.

another time, my mom made steaks for the first time in probably a year. hell, maybe longer .

i ended up going to my room with extreme cramps because my body didn't know what to do with the richness of the meat. it was screaming "CAN'T PROCESS. CAN'T PROCESS. HELP"

I haven't read a book in months. for me this is a big deal. maybe even 6 months. i'm sure a lot of people do this. and i know i have before. but books are the one thing i can't throw out. pretty much a constant. when i was in ireland for 3 months i read 40 books (my ex boyfriend kept a list in disgust, since i kept having to spend money on more). i was reading at an alarming rate. i mean, we walked around and saw things but in a rainy country with a pub culture. it's just something one does. sit in a pub and read. Vince kept asking me to slow down. i read ana karenina in approx. 3 days. Of Human Bondage in 2. I was voraciously eating them up.

now don't get me wrong. i'm not a lit snob. lit and tv snobs offend me. i think the last book i did read was either a james lee burke detective novel or an anne rice book while in the tub. i don't know why i read anne rice. i hate her. i mean. truly. yet i get sucked in anyway. so ther ei am, unable to put hte book down but wanting to claw my innards out at the horror that is her writing style.

even worse, i've gone into bodice ripper forays. (i could make *so* much money writing bodice rippers, i swear. i have the schlock inside me somewhere and i could write about manhoods and womanhoods and rutting with the best of them. fuck yea.)

but anyway. i've been having a hard time sitting down and reading a book. i get restless. i seem to have the same problem with watching movies lately. sitting for 2 1/2 hours with the only interaction being between me and that damn box. the idea makes my ass itch. i think it's something compulsive.

i think i have issues with escapism.

on an intellectual level i recognize the beauty and even necessity of escapism, but there's a little voice inside me anyway. that tells me that fantasy and or escapism and or distraction is ...not living. is avoidance.

probably becuase ...well...it often *is*

but that doesn't take away from the fact that it can be a positive thing in someones life.

but anyway.

so that puritan inside. it tells me that tv . computer. reading. drinking. drugs. movies. these are all avoidance of living. right, so what's living? yea. anyway.

i mean, you see extremes of fantasy in SCA or renn faire or ..well, there's a list. and i know that when i'm around this extreme i'm sometimes suddenly acutely uncomfortable.

when i was a kid i was outside all the time. but when i wasn't. if you were to open my bedroom door, you'd see me laying flat on my back for hours at a time. 4 hours straight. just staring at hte ceilign with glossy eyeballs. i'd be so lost in my head. creating all these places where i was queen. leader. head honcho. pretty places with pretty things. i was a girl god damn it. so i daydreamed about unicorns. who didn't. my inner fantasy life was god damn rich.

that's hwat you get when you live in the boonies and are such a dork you have one friend!

even then i wanted to just live in that inner place rather than do my chores or go to school or do homework or talk to my parents.

ex-husband pointed out that he's known about my puritan since he's known me. that's how revelations work. usually the people who love you already know and have absorbed a certain knowledge about you, but when it finally actually hits *you* it feels like earth shattering discovery like the new world.

uh huh.

this weekend is about moderation. because...uh. life isn't ending any time soon. there will be plenty of opportunities for whatever.

(please mr. mack truck, don't run me over just because i said that)

shake. shake. shake.

shake your booty.

my bladder is going to explode.

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