yea.

the moment. the moment when my hand opened and all the pebbles slid to the ground. or the string slid out. or the clutch loosened. or whatever euphamism you want to use. the moment that i stopped digging my heels. that moment was the near death. [for the second time. the first time , i knew it wasn't near the bottom yet] and the choice to fix. somehow his attempt to save himself made me let go.

i don't quite get that. but it's true.

this doesn't mean ...

well, you know..

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