� | click here for flickr! 2005-09-28
i just have no energy! but yesterday afternoon i spent the day making a red curry with salmon & mushrooms & zucchini and a side of coconut milk/lemongrass green beans. and i often think, how much more pleasure i get out of doing nurturing. nurturing food, attempting to nurture plants (ha! i just don't know how to garden), the house, monk, me. and someday a kid. i feel defensive of my desire to stay home for a few years when we have a kid. like i'm somehow letting down womankind and feminism. strangely guilty. there are some little things like, being happy i wont' hav eto sit in front of a keyboard 9 hours a day. i'm sick of computers. and being tired of just being 'ok' at what i do every day. i feel a little demoralized sometimes. but there are much bigger things.. having to do with who i am, how i am. and the kind of centered focus and attention i want to give to motherhood for those first few years. but anyway. back to energy. i have none today. [ previous� �|� � next ]
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