cranky

i'm super cranky today

and i thinkk part of it is my nanowrimo novel

but not because it's making me sad

but more this weird guilty feeling like "i've done this already. i've written all of this before, why am i doign it now. calling attention to something that is was and shall be let go of"

i feel weirdly stupid

but at the same time, it's not about the thing i'm writing about, the point...when i'm done, is about who i am now. i think.

not a "LOOK LOOK LOOK WHAT I WENT THROUGH. AGAIN. LET'S CHOKE ON IT"

that is not my intention

but it still is kind of annoyng me and making me cranky and tired and when matt sits next to me in the restaurant and jitters his leg i want to stab it with a fork, but in a really loving way promise.

CRANKY

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