hoping.

i didn't know

i was stupid.

i googled you for the first time in a few months

and there was a zine with some poems by you

and ..they aren't even that hurtful

so why do i feel like my system has been hit by a high voltage shock

why do i feel sick and like my nerve endings are splitting in two?

why do i want to throw up.

i didn't know.

i didn't know how much i just had compressed.

and i'm sick of this person i am.

and upon reading it.

i realized just how many lies i live.

and that i was fooling myself into thinking i wasn't still hoping.

for us.

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