eye on the road

Say the day is a saturday, and i have woken up at 9am and at 2pm a friend is coming to play.
go backwards in time. this is when i was a little girl (and yet so relevant now)
I wouldn't go outside and play (or in my playroom and play) until my guest had arrived. I would go into a strange sort of stasis. i would be so focused on the visit, I would sit at the window and stare at the road for hours until my friend arrived. In a waiting pattern which was yet filled with a humming excitement of sorts. an impatience and restlessness.
my mother would try to get me to go read or play or anything that wasn't focused on the future-thing.. but instead on doing something in the *now*.
but i couldn't wrap my mind around that. I would go outside to appease her, but i was still staring at the road.

I don't think i ever *entirely* outgrew this. I still go into a waiting pattern. a stasis of sorts. something i'm excited about, whether it be a wedding or the next 'step'.. of trying to get pregnant and have a baby.. and i can't get my focus off that to be sure that I *do* in my present. oh, i go to work and i read books and i go skiing. but there's still this eye on the road.
I think this is short changing myself and i need to learn to be in my moment, while knowing what my future might be without becoming mesmerized by the road.
they say to keep your eye on the ball. but don't forget about the baseball bat.

uh. huh?
ok, forget that last bit.

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