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2005-02-14

addendum to last entry

more on the last entry
another person who i always felt lived an authentic life ..
my best friend since i was 7. jessica lives in vermont wtih her two kids and she is an amazing person.
she follows her dreams, even if it means less than for her family. because she actually believes that it isn't money that will raise amazing kids, it's kids that see their mother follow her dreams so they know it's an ok thing to do even if it isn't the path most taken. so she travels to africa, sometimes with them,sometimes without them...to help the people and the animals there. she raises her own turkeys and chickens. she grows some of her own food.
this doesnt' mean she doesn't shop at safeway when she needs to. or buy brand named things. she doesn't espouse disney or certain escapes. she doesn't make life hard on herself, but she does her best to be as true to herself and this world and the people in it. she explains to her kids what things mean. violence in movies. sex. the hard sell, marketing. corporations. while still allowing them to experience them sometimes. she takes them to karate and to africa and to costa rica. and they are often with very little money.
she doesn't ignore her kids, or make life so hard they can't have *anything* but... she explains that there are things they can't afford because to live an authentic life sometimes it's going to be hard.
and she isn't always happy. sometimes life is fucking hard as hell for them. for her especially. a single mother doing things her way.
but she is raising two very aware very smart kids. and she's respecting them and herself.

and i realize that an impediment to my own authentic living is my desire. desire for something i like the look of. or for red meat when i want it. or cheese when i want it. gluttony of its own sort. not always a cheese thing. sometimes it's about not getting things done because i want what i want when i want it. be that sleep or love or tv or a certain food item. or a bit of makeup. i have a hard time resisting my cravings.

and also, i left out the roll of love. loving as honestly and truthfully as you can. i catch myself trying to make things the way i want them. but the allowing of indivituality while also creating a together, can be tricksy.

anyway, just a little addendum.

p.s. the antichrista is wreaking havoc in my womb. but i should mention that my food baby was the size of the tetons after Naked Fish on saturday . i couldn't finish the tempura fried cheesecake.


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