dreams and knowing and understanding

another one of those days where i wrote a whole entry in my head on the train and when i got here it seemed like way too much work
i had a dr's (another) appt abuot my arm and we'll see how it goes for the next few weeks. for now i pop advil like crazy.
monk wanted me to write about the pasta i made sunday, because he got a little gaga for it. it was fusilli (or was it penne?) with roasted broccoli, roasted zucchini, sauteed plum tomatoes, big fat shrimps, onions, olive oil and pine nuts. with parmesan tossed on top. it was pretty yummy, it's true.
then the next night i had brined chicken and the world famous amy potatoes at amy's. a culinary week. gastronomy at its best
my arms hurts. shoulder, rather.
i woke up with a tylenol pm hangover. (in which everything feels fine but i'mm bitchy as hell)

i have a weird relationship with jealousy. I think i thrive on it a little bit. i will create thoughts in my mind that will cause my giant spirit tongue to probe at my giant sore tooth that is really just an insecurity or a fear or a jealousy.
i have always been a morbid daydreamer. daydreaming about loss, to see what it feels like. to prove my depth of emotion maybe. to prepare myself for real loss? i'm not sure.
i daydream about jealousy situations and get a weird thrill out of how much i dislike it.
do other people do this? i know it's weird. and stupid, really. and jealousy or posessiveness are things within oneself one should address, but instead i just poke and prod at it and go "oh!" whenever i feel the inevitible response.
and i've been thinking about knowing and understanding. that there's a difference. we often think if we know somebody we understand them. but that's not always true. and we can often understand somebody and not really know them. and i'm horribly nosy and want to know everything and then want to believe i understand everything too, but occasionally i am surprised by how little i really know. or how little i really understand. about peopl ei'm close to, or myself.

that's all for today. i slept great thanks to tylenol pm, but had bad jealous dreams. poke poke prod.

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