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2004-08-29

security and contentment.

wow is it hard for me to get motivated

but then, i've also always been most motivated by pressure. all my papers were written last possible moment. same with moving. but i dont' really want to do that this time.

i have a huge craving, i think, for stability or security. sometimes it's overwhelming.

i like feeling like i have some sort of day to day plan or idea. i like to make lists. i hate thinking of the mutabiilty or fluidity of things sometimes despite loving the fluidity of life.

i want to be married again and have babies and know we'll never break up and i want to live in the country and feel settled and content and comfortable and serene.

and yet, i like chaos and i like crazy fun and i like kookiness and strange events and new things..

balance, my friend.

uh huh


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