babbling about weekends and futures

i'm glad i work in a place that doesn't fully fill me with dread on mondays. i actually very rarely *mind* coming to work, although of course i think i'd rather be doing other things.

like maybe be getting the psych classes under my belt, or traveling again, or playing scrabble with monk, or swimming. i've been wanting to swim a lot lately. i keep imagining cold dark water closing above me, and the sound of water and heartbeat and swimming under there til i feel my lungs expand. sometimes i can get to a place wehre i almost feel like i'm breathing. until of course i realize if i don't *actually* breathe i might pass out.

so yea, i've been having swimming daydreams. fresh water, preferable. still cool forest-smelling ponds. that's what i want. i miss vermont ponds which are everywehre, usually surrounded by berry bushes and trees.

friday night i saw farenheit 9/11. moore can be heavy handed but it was definitely interesting and also effective. i got teary a few times even. but i'm easy that way. we stayed out in walnut creek and woke up late. went and saw Comedy of Errors at the shakespeare festival. outdoors under the sun surrounded by dry golden hills ... half the characters in the play were life sized puppets. we drank wine, ate cheese and fruit, and it was relaxing (maybe too much so with the wine and cheese) and fun and ..just the kind of thing people should do on summer weekend days

back to the warm wc for tangling in sheets and laziness before heading to the city for a birthday party. although first we had to get our scrabble fix ... dinner, a beer and scrabble at my neighborhood coffee shop

and in fact, we had to get up in teh morning for another scrabble fix at the coffee shop. i need to start reading the dictionary post haste, because we seem about even right now and i can't have that. i must be victorious at all times!

sunday i spent like 2 hours in the middle of ikea on a couch ... we made plans and plotted and came up with ideas while pussy and the io boy did their hard core shopping.

um. yea, so the weekend ended with more scrabble. i am not addicted, back off.

six feet under was good, although i think it was better last weekend.

i get giddy and stupid with planning, because i realize there is no talk that includes failsafes or contingency plans. it's forward with belief.

and i like that.

this summer has gotten stressful a few times, but that seems to balance out quickly. i like my bossman. even when things are bad he motivates with positive reinforcement. and suddenly my dread and pessimism turns to optimism and hope.

and plans for the future slowly solidify.

and getting softer and those bruises that occasionally i used to be able to touch lightly and still feel the ache, i touch and there is nothing... and that surprises me at first and then i even miss it and i get scared that i've lost a part of myself, but ...that's just not how it works. internalized forever, but not always a bruise. that's good.

healing, to be cheesey.

healed, maybe even.

and slowly i'm adapting to good habits present&planned.

and i'm babbling, so i'm gonna stop now.

hey holy smokes i have no real plans other than running and cleaning this week til the weekend!

i have two addictions. kissing and scrabble. and i am NOT seeking help! i'm goin down with the ship! do not attempt intervention!

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