conundrum

i dreamed my work was in a large victorian and i lived there. and i was mad because they wanted to use my bedroom for meetings. but they gave me a puppy, and i was packing to go to school. so i was leaving the nest somehow and it was ok.

and i've been hormonal crazy for a few days. feeling like a square trying to fit into a round hole. feeling unsure of all my moves. insecure and nervous. and like all my nerve endings are on fire and i just want to be quenched.

last night i thought i'd explode into a flurry of sparks and knew it wouldn't be good. so i tightened my muscles and skin to keep the anticrista in, but she wanted flesh and she wanted to be rocked on the sea of hormones in a boat of him and me and i put my hand on her and i let her know she was ok and i actually was able to sleep. and i woke up with more control and less need .... yesterday i think i was just a ball of every kind of need possible.

emotionally i felt stupid. but it was ok. brow furrowed, a few kisses on the forehead and it smoothed itself...

and today is wednesday. how did that happen?

and i am not liking learning at work.. because i feel stupid half the time.. and i have such a hard time getting started. if i could just get past the getting started part.

but dude. that involves getting started! see? it's a conundrum.

ciao

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