my elbow hurts, and change

lately. i've been thinking of going back to school.

not now. but..like in a yearish?

yea. school. me.

again

and i have to admit. i'm kind of terrified of the idea

terrified that i have lost my ability to study (did i ever have it?) , that i won't be able to afford to live, that i'll make a mistake and realize that web work was my calling (it's not), that i won't be as content and happy as i am now.

but is that just fear of being challenged? fear of failure?

i think i want to become a counselor/therapist.

if not that, a teacher. but i think i'm better one on one. i think my best skills lie in that kind of interpersonal relationship.

but, what if i suck at it? dude. blow to the ego!

ok. not really. but yea. i admit. the idea starts a whole bunch of fluttering.

i wonder if htat's why i say "hm. a year and a half". i'm not ready for the change quite yet. but that's not even just attachment to my current life (which i *am* indeed kind of attached to). but quaking oh-my-god-what-am-i-thinking stuff.

also, how long will this take me? i don't have long to go before my BA is done, but...

anyway. just thinking out loud.

i'm always scared by change. and simultaneously invigorated.

my elbow hurts.

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