the weekend, love, loss, costa rica, and sideswiped

i refuse to let the severing of an importnat friendship sour the good things in my life. maybe it's all for good

i have a baby mohawk.. it's pretty much the cutest thing ever.

the weekend was fucking fabulous. jam packed full of stuff. running on friday, sleepiness, waking up early saturday to go to REI for my hiking boots and new camelbak, followed by pinata shopping.

we found the perfect sponge bob squarepants pinata to slaughter with a broomstick and took it to a bbq in the park. bbq involved a lot of napping in the sun and eating. and candy diving of course.

after the bbq we headed to fishermans wharf for my favorite kinda date. musee mecanique, mini hot donuts, cheesy video game in the arcade. walking around the horrible tourist trap at sunset. whole foods for dinner makings. making and eating dinner at 10pm.

sunday in the heat. veggie benedict, moving things for monk's mom, hot hot so hot, swimming underwater laps in the pool, seafood chimichanga and drunk on margaritas with his mom.

walking under a nearly full moon in 85 degree night time heat, dry dusty landscape, brown grass, oak trees, bay area suburbia spread at our feet. hand holding and cool air blowing and kissing and quiet contentment despite how busy busy packed the weekend was.

and talk of loss and he doesn't seem to fear it or death, and i know i do. the holes that loss leaves. but i'm stronger than i once was.

and how people can be still letting go while taking hold of something new. grief, etc.

how i cried a week into this because i felt somehow guilty. unfaithful to a memory? and then thankful that i could. like a healing, i guess.

and how i think i'd been lookign for 4 years for another that was the same, and instead was sideswiped by completely different. and oh how just right that was.

and this whole process is really hurting somebody close to me, and i can't ...or..won't do anything about it but let him make the rules as to what our friendship is for now. because he can't be my best friend anymore. not like he was. that's not fair to the future, y'know?

i dunno. anyway. i loved my weekend.

adn this coming weekend? i'll be in costa fuckin rica. that's right baby. excited, nervous!

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