i'm tired.

rant/

you know. i spend a lot of time being very pragmatic. very removed from my disappointments or my desires or wants, because ...well, giving in to the tumult of emotions that they can produce is kind of messy and doesn't lead to any real growth usually, just a pity party.

i am great at knowing i won't settle. or saying "oh well. that person is into me and i really like them but it's not it and i'm not going to pretend" or "yea ok so i am really attracted to this person but they aren't feelin it back and that's ok. it isn't about me. we can't help what we are attracted to or not attracted to" I spend a lot of time saying "hey. whatever happens happens" . about so many things!

but this week i'm having a "god i'm tired' week.

i'm having a petulant foot stomping I'M TIRED week. tired of waiting. tired of caring. tired of putting love on any level of importance when there are so many other things to care about. but most of all, just tired of almosts. and near misses. and ...well.... why does it seem so weak for us to think this, but: tired of being alone. i want to be excited by somebody and have them return it. i want to kiss and laugh and feel intense. i'm tired of being pragmatic and balanced about what i have and don't have! so there, self.

yea yea i know. i'm not alone. all y'all (my friends out there) . you mirror my specialness beautifully and i thank you

but damn it. I'M TIRED.

/rant

p.s. levity: a good portion of my underwear have turned into granny panties that go up to my boobies. it's hot i tell you.

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