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2004-02-19

wrong

i've been feeling this edgy moth eaten feeling lately. nightmares that i'm pretty much ready to never have again and god damn it why do they still pop up once every few months hasn't it been long enough that i don't dream about loss anymore , and that banging my head against a wall of a person feeling.

there was a fire awfully close to my house last night. my room smelled of smoke and i wasn't allowed to leave the house for a little bit while all the fire engine people were out there. fire engine people? i guess they're called firemen/women

it was all very exciting

i lay in bed for awhile feeling dissatisfied and restless and strange. maybe that's why i had the nightmares.

this wasn't where i thought i'd be, i think. but ..if you told me wehre i would be,i think i would have been pretty excited. except for that one thing. i might have said "i'd rather not have it, thanks. if it means *that*"

but i might have been wrong?


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