etc

addendum to last entry.

i wonder about my ego i wonder about a lot

but i think. when i am feeling so selfish or so unattractive or so low or unworthy or sad or unmotivated or not as aware or smart as i'd like to be...

he says yes. you are not always unselfish. you are sometimes frumpier than at other times. yea you could know more about politics

but he tells me i'm more beautiful than i think or smarter thani realize. he's honest and yet...giving.

and i start thinking "god, am i wrong? am i really wrong about this? "

but i know what i know.

and that makes it a little sadder at times like this.

it's time like this,ironically enough. that as i write.i feel guilty because i'm not being funny, ironic or silly..

andi realize. i am sometimes the dumbest girl on earth. wanting to be one dimensional for all you now that i've gotten over my old pain . it's like "hey you used to read because i wrote eloquently or something about a break up but i'm good so don't you only want ot hear how i'm so funny?"

yea. silly girl.

but i have to say. i can't wait for saturday.

i'mfine. but i hate causing anybody pain. especially me. (HA HA) (no.really)

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