chances, introverstion, extroversion and facts

fact:

my fears of being rejected or fears of my own expectations are minimal in comparison to my fear of rejecting and of other people's expectations regarding me.

fact:

i extrovert socially as a weapon against these fears in fact. it sets a framework around a relationship or non relationship that keeps things at a certain level.

fact:

if you spend much time with me one on one, say staying at my house or as a roommate. i'm not as much the extrovert i am billed as.

fact:

my extroversion is usually booze related or related to feeling comfortable with people who know me and i know back.

fact:

when i start to get distant with people now, it's usually because i feel their expectations becoming a creature all its own rather than something natural and fluid. and i withdraw.

fact:

sometimes when i meet somebody new. if htey seem to want to hang out with me one on one instead of in a social group, i suddenly will withdraw from them slightly because... why? what are the expectations. and i realize i have turned my fears of expectations into a creature bigger than *it* should be, and i give them more leeway than i should. my fears i mean. and i limit myself.

says amy: do you think it becomes a fear/avoidance thing because you are not interested in them the same way?

says i: but i often don't even know what their interest level or expectation level is when i make the decision. i am preemptive.

am i speaking out my ass entirely?

i'm not sure.

i don't take many chances, i can tell you that.

[ previous� �|� � next ]

�

�