reasonings.

i was asked over the weekend. what happened. one week i was talking about how four people in a week commentedon my seeming contentedness and happiness and then i was going through growing pains and getting distant and discontented and sad.

i am wondering if it was a memory of something that i came to through nanowrimo writing. not the "i'm still wanting that other boy" thing... but, a memory of something i'm wanting, maybe.

and an awareness of things.

maybe ...i'm not sure. i have a lot of "i don't know" answers lately. usually i try to have a down pat answer for anything related to my inner reasonings. fifty of them, if i can manage it.

and also, i think just enough time passed of limbo that i lost my grasp. and then it was too late.

but youknow what's funny? all of it actually happened, sort of pivotally, right around the time i saw Lost in Translation. and i fully understand.

reading back to when a lot of this started, the contentment and then the shift again.. i can see it happening but in little bits. in connection but not enough. in contact but just shy of it. in happy but not laughing. or something akin to that. sometimes this stupid diary *does* help me to know me a little better. thanks internet, you're the best. (yes i'm being sarcastic. i'll stab you, internet, whileyou're sleeping. don't turn your back)

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