thanksgiving, boys, friends, etc.

I am a little thrown for a loop by the way things happen when i don't want them. or don't when i do.

i'm a little flummoxed by the ways that we lie to ourselves or to others or flail when we feel the tides shift.

maybe that is our nature, to follow what is walking away and run from what walks our way.

after feeling that things were becoming clear and pages were the same and our horses were diverging on that path to the sunset and that made sense. and now this?

i'm less ego driven than i used to be. it's still there simmering under my lid which is just bone. but i recognize it and pour a little salt in and tell it to turn down the god damn temperature.

and i am better at recognizing when other people are ego driven, and ... it's a lot harder to be patient than it used to.

that's just a nice way of saying sometimes i could easily see myself tromping all over people in an inconsiderate manner.

but anyway. forget that.

last night there were like fifty million people i've known since i was 16 all in one room.

i exagerrate.

and hooting and hollering and support and rocks through windows. who knew matt the electrician prompted such violence.

and it was good.

and now, tonight... i will go to the hospital and feed my mother jello.. where she will be recovering from a small slit in her throat through which a part of her will have been removed.

and i count down til turducken and...something called Frito Pie?

scared of that.

xo

h

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