conflicted.

everything is compartmentalized again.

you should hear me say "compartmentalized" . i have a really tough time with it and i have to draw it out as though english is my second language.

yea, *you* say it smoothly.

i feel like i'm taking on a vocation as observer. and sometimes i get worried. i'd like to rip it all back, open up my ribs and let my heart do its wild thing.

that's pretty gross, huh?

ok.

i just want to feel less cautious. i think that's what i mean.

but, in actuality, i still wasn't lying when i said if it weren't for some of my financial stuff, my life is pretty much exactly where i want it to be.

but, sometimes , i wonder. with all the sectioning of thoughts and feelings. if i even know when i'm ly ing anymore.

actually i'm one of the worst liars i know. i sometimes blurt the truth in places where a lie is exactly what i should be working on.. is it weird that i feeel the most when i'm asleep? and no, i was exaggerating. i do know when i lie and when i do not.

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