of stuff

I feel very tired. I'm not sure why.

I'm not tired as in "i want to be asleep"

I just feel...tired.

I spend a lot of time filling the cracks.

and pulling others to do it with me.

somebody else plan my week and let me follow in your wake.

Things always seemed easy in my 20's. that doesn't necessarily mean they were easy. I mean, i think because they seemed so..it was hard to notice where things were going wrong. Things started with a boom and a splash and whether it was college or relationships or jobs... I seemed to just slide into them, and then...too late...realize the work involved.

Now, in my 30's. I like myself a hell of a lot better, but even the beginning is hard. No matter how fun or beautiful or awful or exciting a thing is, I am just aware...straight off... there's no longer that ease. i think i should be happy about that. I think maybe I am. But...ease is nice.

everyone wants things to be easy and natural...but we're too separate for that. It can only be easy so far and then...

I love my dreams. maybe i'm so tired because I seem to be living this other life at night and I'm torn between wanting to be there and wanting to be here.

depo doesn't seem to be agreeing with me. sure , i like the ease of that too. but I think ...I think... no more of that damn progesteron.

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