fear and alone

everybody seemed to be sad yesterday.

i've been not so sad lately. but yesterday i was sad. but that was mildly consequential. i can't communicate with the past anymore. it messes with equilibrium.

i'd happily never feel like this again. which goes against the grain of my very vocal belief that chances are to be taken and leaps are to be made.

but, i'm feeling that definite desire to return to the clarity and cleanness that is me alone for an indefinite time.

but i also recognize that underneath that is a fear that somebody would see just how messy things with me are. my dirty secrets. and realize i'm no good for two. because i'm still figuring out how to be good for one.

and i want a family someday. hoowhee. that's fearful stuff.

fear. i'm all about surmounting it, i swear. my compass ring and my boots with heavy tread will make mincemeat of that mountain.

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