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2003-01-02

why what how where new year.

shedding.

this year is about being better to myself. in multiple ways.

this involves some change but that's not a resolution. that's just a need.

christmas with my family was much too short. and i'm definitely the odd one out. but i enjoy it anyway. there was soft light and pretty tree and good food and quiet conversation (although a lot of it was about the amount of time each and every one of them spends training or working out or running or biking or swimming)

there was me curled up in a chair with my feet tucked under. reading.

my family is very literary and soothing and always have beautiful things around them.

it was very relaxing compared to the chaos that has been my house lately.

new years ... i make people come to me. all the girls with two names over did it. all the girls with one did fine. i have become completey anti-social at my own parties. all i really want to do is dance.

i didn't make a conscious choice to stop writing for a week. i just really didn't feel like talking. i talk everything to death anyway and maybe that's worked against me.

i almost took a vow of celibacy for 6 months. i'm still considering it.

i know it's not entirely true... but there has been an underlying feeling that i've been very wasteful. with my time. my love. my affection. my money. the things i put into my body. certain things were wasted in the past 3 years that are just .. . not something i'm happy about

and the last six months have especially been a static period. why that is, i'm still figuring out.

i don't feel like talking still. it's just good to keep up habits.


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