wishes and hopes

sometimes there's a burgeoning hope that crawls out from the dark parts. and creeps up my insides like so many vines ..tendrils crawling into my edges.

and the heather that created folifa still exists somewhere and makes wishes on the first star she sees and ...eyelashes and backwards necklaces.

til she remembers that ...if wishes were midgets....she'd be walking on a sea of heads by now.

there's an edge to the wishing.

and an insiduous twist to the hope-vines.

and so. it's a hard habit to break you know.

but i am capable of quashing.

and i've become mighty good at it. and then turning forward.

i don't want to waste my life on wishing.. because i always beleived that things work out. and the thing is? very often they do.

but just as often. they do not. and i should stop relying on the times they do outweighing the times they don't, you know?

but sometimes i wake up and the wants (wishful thinking weighing in at sumo weight, while common sense waves her puny fist) and the hopes and the wishes have started a little mitochondriac dance and i have to tell them to get back to their corners.

DING DING. ROUND ONE IS OVER.

(sometimes i think i've become terrified of hope, and familiar with disappointment. where it was the opposite not so many years ago)(hope has become the same exact feeling as fear. or hope is fear. or fear is hope. or somethign like that) (funny that)

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