so there

tidal wave dreams.

hand clenched in sand and the tallest wave you've ever seen crashes over me. pretending that the ocean swimming i've done will make a difference.

i always survive.

abandonment dreams.

i seem to be fighting with anxiety.

when it's an external drama. i am able to vaguely write about it.

but when it's an internal drama of microscopic (as in turning the microscope on myself) scope. i'm too scared to put it into words.

i figure if i don't let on to anybody else how bad certain inner things are.. then that will make it less true.

now this implies things are fucked up.

i'm still mildly happy at the moment.

so suck on that and see if you can make sense.

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