hibernating

a weekend of sick. weak and achey and snotty and phlegmy and exhausted and sleeping and whining and sleeping and not wanting to be touched or talked to. cocooning to health.

and certain things i wasn't able to talk about for fear of confrontation or fear of hurting... came out in my physical actions while sick because ..well, his remark was that i acted instinctually. and that's not necessarily true. it was a magnified thing. magnified by sick. but there was some truth and the truths came out at the end and i forget how much better things are when there are truths on the table.

and i'm feeling very far away from all my friends lately. i'm not sure if i'm depressed or if i'm hibernating for some other reason...but i've been feeling more like watching tv than like coordinating or having fun or going anywhere.

(even when not sick)

like i said the other day. there's a dissatisfaction lately, and i'm not sure what i'm trying to tell myself.

but i kind of miss everybody.

but i also don't feel like i'm entirely done hibernating.

and im not sure if it's the healthy kind (because that does exist) or the unhealthy kind (that most certainly exists)

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