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2002-09-09

patience.

i don't understand anger. i'm not saying i completely ignore it. but people who slam doors or stomp around or glower or hold grudges or do silent treatments.

these people make no sense to me.

i do not like the passive aggressiveness that comes with anger.

i'm not saying i'm not capable of it.

sometimes i don't make sense to myself.

but it never lasts. i get over things quickly.

but, i sometimes have a hard time remembering that people are people and not characters. i forget that they have as much right as i do to live and breathe and grow toenails and pee and poop and fart and burp and sweat and be tired and be awake and be in an obnoxious mood or a bad mood or a boisterous mood.

i forget that they might want to be left alone too sometimes. or want to do something that doesnt' fall into my plans. people have their own plans.

sometimes i forget. i get solipsistic. i get so used to living in my own head and seeing my life like a book. that i have to stop and remind myself that while i'm a character in my own book. with a cast of friends and arch enemies..i'm simultaneously a character in everyone elses book too and i may just be written completely differently inside there.

i am solipsistic.

and while very social. more inward focussed than maybe i let on.

patience has never ever been a strong point. can one train that into themselves?

also. let me reiterate. I FUCKING HATE PROJECT MANAGING.


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