craptacular

my womb hurts. sharply rather than with the normal dull thud.

today was a day of sleeping and reflection.

i don't enjoy reflection much. it never goes anywhere but inward (duh).

there was a lot of wall staring today.

a lot of thinking on the things about self that i'm not happy with.

and it was the stuck kind, rather than the motivated kind. it was the circular and the gross and the stupid and so the let's take a bath and a nap. today was a hiding day. a diving into the leaves and hoping they're tall enough to cover my head day. an expose of self to self.

i'm not in a good mood today. and there's some self-recrimination today. and there's some craptacular blah today.

and the feeling of uninspired in the whole functional aspects of living bit.

but then , in the midst of it, i was inspired in a creative way.

and i have plans.

neat ideas that belong only to me.

(and so, by nature, not to you. which means i'm not telling)

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