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2002-07-24

speed dating rules.

ok. if i'm going to do this awful sounding thing called "speed dating" for a good cause. (8 minutes of date then a new one!)

i will only do it by the following rules, as concocted by iota and myself.

1. ask to see their teeth. come prepared with dental mirror and then show my own to show how prepared for life i am.

2. bring pepper spray. just for fun.

3. yell "MY DATE IS ASSAULTING ME" around minute 6. see rule #2

4. bring a wedding registry catalogue. spend the 8 minutes picking out dish patterns together.

5. plunk 3 kinds of condoms on the table. make my dating decision based on which one he goes for.

6. change out the condoms with vegetables. same results.

7. stand up and model my birthing hips.

8. magic tricks. if he finds the ace he wins.

9. ask to squeeze his package. i'm an informed consumer.

10. ask him if his sperm hits the wall when he masturbates because this equates to spunky sperm and all know that spunky sperm means spunky children. i want go getters!

11. bring a tupperware container of food i've made. ask him what i should do differently , because i just want to be a good wife.

12. run from the restaurant crying at least twice. come back and blame hormones.

13. bring polaroid and notepad. take copious scrawling notes. take picture and attach to notes. tell them they'll hear back within a few days if they've made the final cut.


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