womb.

i'm not good company tonight. for me or anyone.

and yet i am. because i've become good at glossing.

and i recognize this as the pms hormones. but i think these hormones just strip away some of my falsehoods and it's just a form of truth that i'm seeing.

and i become so good at smoothing over this part of me.

and i feel a lack of meaningful relationships. which is unfair to the relationships i have.

ah fuck it. while i walked home, wanting to kick things or cry or just curl in on myself. i felt articulate. i knew what i was feeling and thinking.

and now it feels futile.

i just . wonder what happens to end the relationships that have more depth or meaning. why they end or get fucked up like matt and i.

and if i'm capable of starting new ones or only social-heather things.

argh. not articulating.

futile. hopeless. feelings. all hormonal. do not. want. to. be alone. with this. do not . want people.

going to bed.

evil womb , accentuating my insecurities and fears and magnifying emptiness and loneliness.

this is. not me.

this is . so me.

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