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2002-02-24

meat.sex.kissing.want.

god damn is my dog spoiled. right now he's staring at me from about 3 inches from my face, making low moany sounds as he begs.

i could easily just run out. and find a boy i find attractive. and enjoy his company some and hten kiss him for awhile.

but the kissing i am craving is that other kind. the kind where when mouths are together and the lower lip becomes the most exciting thing in the world and my belly drops out and my hand reflexively clenches in hair and breath catches and my skin flutters&skitters under touch and there is wet inside of mouths and wet between my legs..

i'm always aware of me, even when kissing or touching or during sex. but there have been a few people with whom, i am no longer conscious of my consciousness.

i am reaction and caught-breath and skittering skin and hand-clenched-in-hair-and-hand-digging-in-skin and arch-stiffened body and push and pull and surfacing and drowning and spinning and warm and wet and pliant and throat-closing-with-intensity.choking.lust. being unsure which is wanted more. to swallow or be swallowed. absorb or be absorbed. to open up and take in or to push down and take.

and i think maybe some people experience this in general when lust hits? i get this rarely. and .. it's hard to have experienced it and ever want less than that.

lust is nice.

but intensity.

is what has been making me chew my lip and furrow my brow and in the bar tonight, i admit, i started to scope.

but... that shit never works out.

yea. the differnet between the enjoyment of the body. and intensity.

so anyway. i was in this irish pub tonight. where my friend from high school was playing in an irish band. (dirty old town!) he plays fiddle. they were awesome. and the pub was packed. the irish ahve a different sense of pub/bar culture than we do. in a way, americans love bars and also see them as a negative. a fine line.

the irish see it as a part of life. and they bring children and babies and they dance and they drink beer and toast each other and sing together and sit and talk ..and there's no..

well..

no super ego issues!

it was awesome.

then? for dinner?

i had MEAT!

gosh, i love meat.


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