lost. found. all around.

so sleepy.

had french vietnamese food with my momma.

talked about the days when i wouldn't let her wash my hair. i'd scream and cry and bang my head on the tub. so she bought me some swimming goggles, thinking that this would make it into a game. her trickster stylin didn't work.

or about my learning to milk a cow and finding salamanders or getting sand flung in my eye by a trantruming kid.

or the time my best friend, nathan, punched me and i ran crying to her. she said "punch him back" and i gave him a bloody nose. we were only 6. she never told me to punch back again

about our neighbors who made harps and let me play the one with the real gold inlay.

about my addictions and others addictions. about boys and love and sex and what it was like to be just she and i in a small sea side town.

about my different babysitters. the one who liked to scare me when i was on the toilet so i'd jump up mid-pee. or the one who let me read by flashlight after bedtime. or the one who liked to tickle my feet. or the one who found me searching behind the bed during naptime, playing with dustbunnies. so she acted mad at me and had me sit on her lap while she watched soap operas. partway through the soap opera i realized she wasn't mad at all, and was enjoying the cuddle.

about my intense fantasy life during those years that i lived in the boonies and had few friends.

about how long it took her to divorce lincoln, despite what he'd done.

and when i left, i felt little heather biting me on the butt.

and i got off bart early and walked the long way home and partway here i ran into pancake-haired-snaggle-toothed man, pushing is cart. he said "hey there. did you get lost?"

oh. honey. you have no idea.

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