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2001-12-11

frustration.

i can't cling to constant bravado.

to brittle smiles.

sometimes. i feel the force of my forehead splitting in two, while i send devil may care e-mails to you. knowing you wrote because you're thinking of me.

but i dont' know you. y o udon't know me.

these e-mails are not even shadows of what was.

they're just frozen flash.. glitter. proof that hey we're ok.

and i want to reach through the glittering 10101000111000 and punch you real. punch you feeling. punch you til you split open and i know you again.

this is how i describe frustration.

and how i shake with it.

because underneath all the nailpolish -like surface talk of an evening or boogie's licking at bubbles from the bubble bath. . .. i am feeling the question ballooned in my belly "how are you?" "who are you? " "do you remember...?"


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