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2001-12-10

of self esteem, bathtubs and necklaces

i was home sick on friday. and i took a bath, as i'm wont to do. sick or no.

and i made the most lovely necklace while in the bathtub.

because i'm a multitasker.

i've realized my self esteem post-marriage etc. is a weird duck now.

if someone is to insult me, i am unfazed. i don't buy other peoples negative opinions of me in the slightest. in fact, i often giggle in the face of an insult.

but... i still have this issue with believing someone will want to be with me for me. that they wouldn't be settling. for next best. giving up on finding 'the one' .. so many beautiful people fill this city and where i never used to compare myself, i think i do now. and i lost faith in being anything but platonic to anyone else.

or at least platonic to someone i would want more htan platonic from.

it's so silly.

but that's self esteem for you, very rarely is it smart logical rational or even right.

i want to go home and sit in my tub again.

and make another necklace

everyone's getting necklaces for xmas.

i hope my stepfather likes purple.

ho ho.

(i wouldn't really do that)


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