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� | click here for flickr! 2001-10-01 comfort walls last night i went to a show by myself. TheCourt and Spark. alt country stuff. at the makeout room which might be one of my favorite sf venues. it was awful at first. i sat at my table alone. people watching, which i love. but locked in my head. thinking about him. about his going to shows alone and how he loves it and how i just am aware of being alone. and how i hate that being alone is such an issue for me. and i watched couples and i watched people by themselvs, scanning the crowd for someone to talk to. connect with. i came near panic a few times, but made myself sit there , sip my drink, relax...watch. and then two people asked if two of my chairs were taken. no. they sat. we talked. she was unnerved by my presence even though i was there first. he was funny and talked and joked a lot. which might be why she was unnerved, i'm unsure. the band was great although i didn't like when the horn section joined them. the section was too small to give a feeling of great sound, instead they sounded tinny. the guitarist was amazing. and i have a little crush on the lapsteel player. when it was over, it was 12:15 and still near 80 degrees out. so i walked home. through the yechy parts of the mission, but i didn't care. it was warm. i was in a tanktop and i was feeling sticky but in a good way. i jogged the last 6 blocks home in the dark. through empty dead streets. with the air on my skin and the stars in my shoes and fell into bed with my dog. and slept on top of the blankets, naked. in a dead to the world slumberoo. oh. and who can forget the giant platter o meat thatcrotchety brought to neighbor boys. i got hiccups from the hot sauce. that was my second show i've ever been to alone. i'm forcing myself to knock down my comfort walls. [ previous� �|� � next ]
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