crushed

i can't read that unsentletter diary anymore. or craigslist or most diaries on diaryland.

i swear to god, every 3rd diary. every third letter. every third craigslist entry. is from someone talking to someone they loved 4 years before. a year before. 6 months before. 7 years before. talking about how they haven't forgotten. how htey still hold everyone up to this one lost love. where did it go wrong. how did they lose it. why do they still remember a taste or a touch or a voice.

and i am . overcome. with such a wave of panic. i can't even begin to describe it.

so much panic, i just want to lay down and go to sleep and not think about anyone anymore.

so much panic i feel exhausted by the whole act of anything.

and crushed by hopelessness.

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