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2001-09-20

my mother. hard work. happy endings. but never really 'endings'

i came in this morning...to work. and checked my e-mail.

and what i found, made me start to cry. (check . stop. check. at work. stop now. do not cry.)

it's taken a lot of burning belly anger and beating of fists against walls and broken dishes and slammings of doors to reach this point:

"Hi, Heather. I wish you were closer...this has been a hard week to be separated from family. How have you been doing.....and your friends....we've talked a lot in school, and I've done some amateur counseling for kids who can't sleep....and I've heard all the rumors and all the opinions. We've had Socratic Seminars to discuss what should be done, and can there be forgiveness after anger, and should there be, and what do different religions say about forgiveness, etc.

Meanwhile, back in the hedonist world, how did you enjoy our weekend? I felt kinda guilty that we just went to bed and watched TV..but it felt very comfortable with you. I figured you'd tell me what you wanted to do if that weren't okay...i feel like we can just be us, without pretensions or judgment, when we're together...it's very very comfortable, more so than with anyone I know. I trust that you'll tell me if/when you don't or do want to do something, and we seem to get along well. Let's do another weekend somewhere, soon. I'd like to go to the mountains, Yosemite-way, for some fall color and crispness. Do you have any days off? It would be better to go during the week, (insert random vacation plans for her and my step-father here) So, a long weekend the 6th? let me know so I can make plans with someone else to get over there if you can't do it. I'd come up to get you on Friday the 5th or early the 6th, and we'd drive over into the mountains and come back Monday? love, mom"


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