scars

today i am officially in my 30's.

not 30. but in my 30's.

normally i am very excited by birthdays. i like having my own day. i like attention. i like presents and eating with friends and having a party.

this year, i feel ... still-watersish. maybe with a little green goo on the top. a little stagnant. a little deflated... even grouchy.

this will change tonight when i'm surrounded by my friends eating eel and meat and veggies and kimchee and drinking tall sapporos.

but these are things i feel about the last year and where i am now:

1. tired inside.

2. wound up

3. farther than i think i am

4. undeserving of certain things

5. completely deserving of others

6. like it's about fucking time i do something about this

7. like more has happened in this past year than i'm remembering

8. flustered

9. shucking

10. fucking

11. wet and dripping outside the shell

12. like i take advantage

13. like i was taken advantage of

14. angry and unable to show it

15. scoffing and unable to show it

16. like i have expected too much

17. like lists rule

18 .like you suck. (just kidding)

19. like i''d like to shut up. literally.

20. like i fell on my face more than once, why should this time mean much.

scars are cool.

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