grouchy

i have a perma-scowl on my face today. no good reason. i woke up to that kind of sodden-wet-bonesstucktobed awakening feeling. where you know you have to move, but you actually physically feel unable. boogie seemed to be in the same spot...last night i actually had to pick him up (he's big!) and help him onto the bed. he seemed so tired he couldn't make it up on his own. he very rarely gets tired like that. (and i just couldn't have him sleeping on the floor. i'm too used , after 3 1/2 years, to having him sleep with his chin resting on one of my body parts)

bus people made me grouchy. my walk made me grouchy. sun made me grouchy.

BUT! this weekend. my birthday present from my mother. a weekend in a beautiful upscale log cabin and a trip to osmosis (osmosis.com!) for 2 1/2 hours of treatments. this includes a SEVENTYFIVEMINUTEMASSAGE! ha ha! ha ha! yay!

i feel like i'm forgetting something really big. something really important. this whole week, i've felt like this. what am i forgetting? what is it i need to be doing?

and i have a friend who is so balanced seeming, and his style of friendship is to tease....and sometimes i feel so..messed up! next to this person. but , i remember.... until i was 29...i'd never really been hurt. i was moody, yes. but ... i was pretty much a blase person who didn't expect to ever experience real pain.. i never imagined myself *here*.

you know?

god DAMN this mix cd i'm putting together is great

i can be a busy body. i can like talking about myself or others. but god damn it, in a harmless manner.

I'M MOSTLY HARMLESS.

grouchy.

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