steam engine

night sweats. woozy walks. wheezing chest. firefly spots around my eyes.

these are the sign of illness. warded off with lots of sleep. but it got me anyway. all my muscles twisted and torn feeling.

i spent the whole weekend in bed or in the bathtub, trying to force the germs from my body with hibernation tactics.

and even with all that. i'm at work. desperately hoping someone will hear my wheezy patheticness and send me home.

if you know you're selfish and inconsiderate and spoiled, does that make it forgiveable? and if you wonder that, does that somehow also make it better? i don't think so. being self-aware but not making necessary changes to weaknesses, does not forgive your transgressions, i guess.

i've been having hallucinationdreams and waking up with a sheen of cold sweat over my whole body. pooled between my breasts when i lay on my back. or it feels pooled, even if it's really just a fine thin layer.

there's a light at the end of your tunnel, baby.

and i'm a steam engine.

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