summer

so i had to go to the east bay today, to run some errands...

i forgot that summer was different over there.

it smelled like nostalgia. 12 year old summers.

honeysuckle yards, mown grass, chlorine and sun, motor boat oil, shadows and suntan oil.

like brown bodies diving off the side of a boat , moored in the middle of lake. the cool black water closing over you, the depth below you not conceivable to a 13 year old mind. surely it goes on forever. the air redolent with motor oil and wetness.

the smell of bikes and lawnmowers and pools and melting tennis shoes.

and i return to the city and i smell food. the smell of this city is exhaust, an amalgamation of restaurants. oysters, barbecue, raw and cooked fish, chinese food, roasted garlic, tomatoes, seared meats. there's 2 restaurants on every block here. this mixes in with the pervasive smell of urine and body and car.

it's not entirely unpleasant.

it just doesn't speak to that core of memory.

of that time when you had 3 months of nothing but what to do with your body today. swim, run, hike, climb, hide, build..

what do you look like in your minds eye? like you did at 12? as a teenager? your 20's? some future self? do you look the way you really look in the mirror or are you usually surprised by your reflection.?

if i had a car, i would have moved back to the east bay today.

just for the smell of summer.

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